Common Mistakes That Push Teens Away

The teen years are a time of major change. Teens start to pull away from their parents, set personal boundaries, and make independent choices. Even with the best intentions, it’s easy to say or do something that creates distance instead of connection.

Here are some of the most common parenting missteps, and what to try instead.

Dismissing Their Emotions

Saying things like “It’s not a real problem,” “You’re overreacting,” or “You’ll get over it” only makes teens feel more alone. Their emotions run deep, and they need to feel heard and understood.

What helps: acknowledge their feelings and offer empathy even if their emotions seem dramatic to you.

Trying to Control Everything

Strict control over appearance, school, friends, or phone use often leads to resistance and conflict. Teens need space to make decisions and learn from the results.

What helps: involve them in setting rules, explain your reasons, and allow freedom where it’s safe.

Lack of Trust

Reading their texts, snooping in journals, or questioning every move erodes trust. Teens are more likely to open up if they feel respected.

What helps: respect their privacy and build honest, pressure-free communication.

Too Much or Too Little Discipline

Too many rules can lead to rebellion. Too few can leave teens anxious and unsure of their place. The right balance between structure and freedom gives teens a sense of emotional safety.

What helps: set clear boundaries, agree on the rules together and stick to them.

Public Criticism or Comparisons

Phrases like “Why can’t you be like your brother?”, “You look terrible,” or “You’re embarrassing to be around” can deeply damage self-esteem.

What helps: talk about tough topics privately, and always with respect for their feelings.

Ignoring Their Growth

Some parents still treat teens like little kids, banning things that are age-appropriate or demanding full reports on every move. Teens need to feel that their growing independence is recognized and respected.

What helps: allow more autonomy and take their opinions seriously.

Setting Expectations Without Conversation

“You’re going to medical school,” or “You’ll study English because I said so”—forcing life plans without input leads to resentment and emotional distance.

What helps: talk about their dreams and goals. Find compromises and support their choices when you can.

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Mistakes happen, especially during the teen years. But warmth, mutual respect, and open communication can make this stage one of connection, not conflict.

References:

• Common Parenting Mistakes that Make Children Insecure, TalktoAngel Blog, 2025
• 7 parenting habits that can lead to anxious children, Times of India, 2025
• 5 Mistakes Parents Make With Teens and Tweens, WebMD, 2021
• Three Common Mistakes in Parenting, Psychology Today, 2019