How to Praise So Kids Believe in Themselves

Praise can be a lifeline for a child in a tough moment. It can give them confidence before a big test, or help them believe in themselves when things aren’t going well. But it’s important not just to praise, but to do it in a way that matches the child’s age and needs.

Why Praise Matters

Between ages 7 and 12, kids are actively learning to make decisions, take responsibility, and not be afraid of mistakes. Adult feedback is especially important during this time because it shapes how children see themselves.

Praise that’s based on real actions and effort helps strengthen motivation and the parent—child bond. It also teaches kids to believe that growth comes from trying, not from being “naturally smart.”

Research shows that children who are praised for effort are more persistent, try new approaches, and handle setbacks more easily.

How to Praise Effectively

Good praise helps a child understand exactly what they did well and why it worked. That way, they can repeat the same success next time.

How to praise:

• Highlight effort, not innate ability
  Instead of “You’re so smart,” say “You worked hard on this problem and figured it out.” This encourages a growth mindset and reduces fear of mistakes.
• Be specific
  Not just “Good job,” but “You double-checked every problem, and that helped you avoid mistakes.”
• Avoid over-the-top compliments
  Phrases like “That was genius” or “Perfect!” can cause anxiety, especially for kids who already doubt themselves.
• Notice initiative and curiosity
  Praise for independent actions and curiosity strengthens a child’s desire to learn. For example, “You decided to try a new method on your own—that’s great.”
• Keep a balance
  Criticism can be helpful, but without support, it loses its value. Research confirms that kids take feedback better when they also know their strengths are noticed.

Examples of Praise That Builds Confidence

Here are a few phrases that make praise feel genuine and meaningful. They can be adapted to almost any situation—the key is that they come from real attention and care:

• “You really worked hard to figure this out. I like that.”
• “You didn’t give up when it got hard. That matters.”
• “You thought it through before making a decision.”
• “You checked everything so carefully—that’s great focus.”
• “You started this on your own. I like your initiative.”
• “You explained so clearly how you did it—that’s impressive.”
• “You kept going even when it didn’t work the first time. I’m proud of you.”
• “You put a lot of effort into this lesson—it shows, and it means a lot.”

What Can Undermine Praise

Some common phrases or reactions can make praise less effective, like comparing a child to others or offering automatic, insincere compliments. It’s also best to avoid using praise as a form of manipulation—it loses its power that way.

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Praise isn’t just a technique. It’s part of a real conversation that tells a child, “I matter,” “I can do this,” and “I am seen and valued.” These moments lay the foundation for self-confidence and strong parent—child relationships.

References:

• Parental praise and children’s exploration: a virtual reality experiment, Scientific Reports, 2022
• Does caregivers’ use of praise reduce children’s externalizing behavior, Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 2022
• Family Environment and Self‑Esteem Development: A Longitudinal Study, Child Development, 2020
• Differential Relations of Parent Praise and Criticism to Children’s Learning Goals, Journal of Child and Family Studies, 2018